Friday, December 21, 2007


Automatic frustration and lament control using Fu(s)(s)y Logic :-)




In an desperate attempt to utilize the time available at work, I have started researching on a highly recursive algorithm that will control chit-chat at office. It is based on fussy logic- an innovative and revolutionary strategy which helps to solve complicated socio-economic problems in core companies.

  1. The Social element of these problems is obviously the skewed sex ratio at core companies. For example for every 1000 guys there might and if luck permits one or lesser girl(s).
  2. The economic element of the problems is obviously the "superfluous" pay. You border on the thin line separating hunger from basic needs. Basic needs include - tea, dhum, drinks and cell phone bill.

So wat does fuSSy logic do ?Simple - It teaches you to lament on and on and on and on and on and on and fuss so much abt a problem that you yourself are bored to death by your problem. Hence the problem seems neglible and you forget to remind urself that you are in a problem.
This gives you an illusion that you ve solved the problem.
It is an memory intensive problem, and you depend on the peace of mind (err.. piece of mind) of others to implement it. It is highly recursive; the more u use it, the more it demands itself to be used.
Thanks to DDY for giving me all the opportunities and resources to develop this strategy. I m sure atleast a few readers will be benefitted.
Am also thinking of a new IEEE paper: FUSSY LOGIC AND NEURAL NETWORKS FOR CORE COMPANIES.(Neural networks - deal with socio-economic networks u need to have on gtalk and other chat clients to ensure you get on to someone's nerves to efficiently implement FUSSY logic :-D..)

Wednesday, October 24, 2007


This - it is not exactly the title !


Long caught in boredom and miseries of a kind I have not faced in the past I find time to scribble some of the inane-est thoughts I have had. THere is a new style of writing that I m gettin addicted to. If I write- scribble something - I tend to use '-' a lot.
consider the following piece- hopeless crap - of writing.Fermat decided - realised - he liked - loved - mersenne primes- primes that are of the form 2^n-1. So Fermatre - the person I referred to in the previous sentence- asked his friend B - A's friend - to find out if 2^2^2^2^2 -1 was a prime - numbers not having factors except themselves and 1. B coolly replied - rebuffed:


2^2944999-1 is (unfortunately) divisible- leaves remainder of 0 on dividing - by 314584703073057080643101377.


I don know if my english - the language i m using - is right. but the truth is -
2^2944999-1 is (unfortunately) divisible by 314584703073057080643101377.

!!!!!

Sunday, September 23, 2007

An imaginary conversation between an 'EMPTY' and his BBY-B**S




ME: Who are you?


BBY-b**s: I am the boss. I created BBY. I've been waiting for you. You have many questions, and though the process has altered your consciousness, you remain irrevocably an MT. Ergo some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not. Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant.


ME: Why am I here?


BBY-B**s: Your RECRUITMENT is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the placements at Coll of Engg,Guindy(CEG). U r the eventuality of an anomaly, which, despite my sincerest efforts, I ve been unable to eliminate frm what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden assiduously avoided, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you, inexorably..here.


Me: You haven't answered my question.


BBY-B**s: Quite right. Interesting. That was quicker than the others.


OTHER MTs: Others? How many others? What others? Answer my question!


BBY-B**S: BBY is older than you know. I prefer counting from the emergence of one integral anomaly to the emergence of the next, in which case this is the 6th version.


OTHER MTs: 5 `One's before me? 4 3 2 What are you talking about?


ME: There are only two possible explanations, either no one told me, or no one knows.


BBY-B**s: Precisely. As you are undoubtedly gathering, the anomaly is systemic - creating fluctuations in even the most simplistic equations.


OTHER MT's: You can't control me! I'm gonna smash you to bits! I'll fuckin' kill you!


ME: Choice. The problem is choice.


BBY- B**s: The first recruitment at BBY that I designed was quite naturally perfect, it was a work of art - flawless, sublime. A triumph equalled only by its monumental failure. The inevitability of its doom is apparent to me now as a consequence of the imperfection inherent in every MT. Thus, I redesigned it based on your history to more accurately reflect the varying grotesqueries of your nature. However, I was again frustrated by failure. I have since come to understand that the answer eluded me because it required a lesser mind, or perhaps a mind less bound by the parameters of perfection. Thus the answer was stumbled upon by another - an intuitive B**S, initially created to investigate certain aspects of the human psyche. If I am the father of BBY, she would undoubtedly be its mother.


ME: The HR @ BBY.


BBY-B**s: Please. As I was saying, she stumbled upon a solution whereby nearly 99% of all test subjects accepted the program, as long as they were given a choice, even if they were only aware of the choice at a near unconscious level. While this answer functioned, it was obviously fundamentally flawed, thus creating the otherwise contradictory systemic anomaly, that if left unchecked might threaten the system itself. Ergo those that refused the program, while a minority, if unchecked, would constitute an escalating probablility of disaster.


Me: This is about my first blog entry.


BBY-B**s: You are here because ur blog is about to be destroyed - every living inhabitant who read it destroyed, its entire existence eradicated.


ME: Bullshit.


other MT's: Bullshit!


BBY-B**s: Denial is the most predictable of all human responses, but rest assured, this will be the sixth time we have destroyed it, and we have become exceedingly efficient at it.


BBY- b**s:The function of a MT like u is now to return to the Source, allowing a temporary dissemination of the FRUSTRATION you carry, reinserting the FRUSTRATION. After which, you will be required to select from the CEG 23 individuals - 16 female, 7 male - to rebuild BBY. Failure to comply with this process will result in a cataclysmic system crash, killing everyone connected to BBY, which, coupled with the extermination of blogspot, will ultimately result in the extinction of the entire human race.


Me: You won't let it happen. You can't. You need MTs to survive.


BBY-B**S: There r levels of survival we are prepared 2 accept. However, the relevant issue is whether or not you are ready to accept the responsibility of the death of every human being on this world. It is interesting, reading your reactions. Your 5 predecessors were, by design, based on a similar predication - a contingent affirmation that was meant to create a profound attachment to the rest of your species, facilitating the function of an MT. While the others experienced this in a very general way, your experience is far more specific - vis a vis LOVE.


Me: The Induction Program.


BBY-B**s: Apropos, it was The PROGRAM that tried to save you MTs, at the cost of its own.


Me: No.


BBY-B**s: Which brings us at last to the moment of truth, wherein the fundamental flaw is ultimately expressed, and the anomaly revealed as both beginning and end. There are two doors. The door to your right leads to ANOTHER COMPANY, and the salvation of BBY. The door to your left leads back to the BBY, to MTs and to the end of your species. As you adequately put, the problem is choice. But we already know what you are going to do, don't we? Already, I can see the chain reaction - the chemical precursors that signal the onset of an emotion, designed specifically to overwhelm logic and reason - an emotion that is already blinding you from the simple and obvious truth. You are going to die, and there is nothing you can do to stop it.


BBY-B**s: Hope. It is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength and your greatest weakness.


Me: If I were you, I would hope that we don't meet again.


BBY-B**s: We won't.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

A vent that shuldn b read...


There are certain days when I feel nothing can possibly go my way just because I m not on the right route. I don understand this cos there are certain days when I feel like I have taken the best ever decision in managing myself, my life and those irritating crossroads ! !

Hold on.. this is lament.. lament of a kind that u have not heard.... a lament which is neither going to be funny nor going to be depressing. This is not even a blog. This is not worth being written. This is something that should not be read.... I m not even going to tell anyone that I have written this crap... SO plz skip this blog and read something else if u have stumbled across this accidentally.

Life as I see it, is divided into exactly two paths for me. The path which I take invariably seems to be unbelievably wrong. This is so because the other path always has something that attracts me. Whats more ? There is this kind of invisible force or whatever that is trying to get me into what I exactly dont want. !!!! I don understand this either. What does it take to actually do simple stuff that one commits ? Y is there a invisible force that immediately starts working against what I decide I ll do... ? Lifeee.. the best emotion that this word brings to me now a days is uncontrolled laughter. After all the more serious I m, the more wrong everything around me seems to be. Call it escapism, cowardness, insanity, pessimism, immaturity - it doesn make a difference. After all, the moment I decide one path is mine, I start realizing that actually its the other path thats mine......and the fear that this same feeling would have been there even if I had taken the other path makes me feel like seeing the word dumb written all over me...

What does it take to actually do what one wants to do ? Effort ? Tremendous effort ? 1 Zillion kiloJoules of mental energy ? --- all this I have. I actually belong to a different domain in exhibiting all this. Jus that still there are things that seem always out of reach. I remember Federer commenting about his loss to Nadal - " If I had won this, I would not have had many more goals to chase..." . Thats the statement I keep telling myself. Thats the only respite. If problems are going to be the motors that turn my wheels, I m going to feed them with aviation fuel. Let them burn... Let them burn me... But I m not going to stop. Knowing that one is stupid, contradicts ones stupidity I read somewhere. But knowing that U r not stupid, because u know u r stupid, is again stupidity. How does all this matter to me when I m just an idiot :-) ?

I choose to end my high quality lament by venting out my comments on the pursuit for happiness. What is all this about ? - Happiness aint it ? IF its a losers attitude to accept happiness in what one is, then what is the winners attitude ? Accepting sadness in even wat seems happy so that complacency is always kept a light year away ?

If someone can tell me the difference between a winner's sadness and a loser's happiness... I ll try to classify my emotions into one of these categories..

Blogs rockkkkk.... I feel as light as light now...

Friday, July 06, 2007


The World has Orwell... V have this guy !


Even after considerable thinking, I m not able to come up with blogs that will b understood by everyone :-(. This blog again ll attract and make sense to readers who ve read George Orwell's Animal farm.

Animal Farm, according to me, was written to b read, understood and enjoyed in a small different universe of its own. There are a million things i love about that book, right from its brevity to its innate biting yet humourous sarcasm. However, I ll elaborate about a minor but attractive feature - "irrelevance" here.


The whole blog is based on just one dialogue in the book. There is a donkey by name Benjamin in Animal Farm. I love Benjamin. He is known for his obscure replies. Consider this conversation:

Other animals: Are u happy that animals drove out humans and conquered the farm ?Benjamin: Donkeys live long. No one has ever seen a donkey die.

Isnt this irrelevance epitomising human fallacies ?

----------------


Jumping from fiction to reality.......Now i have(had ?) a friend called Sriram Moorthy(motta). He has finally won the battle against Orwell's Benjamin in giving irrelevant replies. Though there have been various instances to illustrate his victory, let me start with his most lethal blow against Orwell that made him win the "Most Irrelevant living soul" title hands down....

Friends: Y do u wanna do Masters in Financial Engineering ?.?
My dear Motta: I just wanna charm snakes.


To those of u, who find this not funny, I m sorry, there is a fundamental flaw in the enzymes that trigger laughter in u. But i empathise a Bit cos u must know this guy to know how he is irrelevance incarnate.

Others have no option but to become lunatics when they listen to him... cos

a)If they r sane enough, they ll /should probably laugh their way to insanity.

b) If they don laugh hard enuf, they r already insane....
---------


Other instances.....

a)In my testimonial he wrote in orkut, he mentioned that i told him the following line:

"Pain travels to one eventually thro' her instincts....."

Honestly i never told him this and I ve no clue if that makes ne sense. (periya JRR Tolkein nu nenappu sir kku !! )


b)in school:->

Chemistry class-Ma'am was teachin gold purification in full swing. Motta sir, calls me that night at 2 am and tells me.....

"Her ore itself is hundred percent pure.. but the goldsmith does not know where the gold is.. "

Note:'Her' refers to his school time crush....


I m a fan of this line and will do all i can to get a cover story written in TIME about this. A brain capable of spawning such phrases must be capable of understanding linguistics in a different domain altogether..... What the Hell ? y do ppl praise Fritjof Capra for his - "Tao of PHysics"... I m soon thinkin of writing a "Motta of irrelevance".....Believe me the book will beat even Harry Potter series in sales. The book, even if written by a person who is not comfortable in any language, is capable of generating revenue equal to or greater than that generated by Lord of the Rings, HP and Spiderman put together.


:-( :-(

I remember so less abt his undocumented irrelevant statements now.... His NIT-W frnds can defintely co author the book with me and help us show to the world how languages in general can be understood, interpreted and conceived. The 'architect' in the matrix movie described the oracle as a person whose mind was less bound by the parameters of perfection. Our motta's mind is less bound by the parameters of perception. :-)


B4 i conclude this blog sumthing struck me.... a paradox may be... think abt it...How can one give an analogy for an irrelevant situation. An analogy inherently signifies relevance to a situation. Is relevance to a irrelevant situation the right example of irrelevance ? No... so wat is it ?.. I feel its like this- Want to give an analogy for how irrelevant a particular statement is ? - then make sure u r irrelevant enuf in ur analogy. You may argue that analogies r supposed to b relevant.. but when minds such as Sriram's exist, science and english move aside and give way for certain complex conception processes to remain eternal.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007


Kalka to Shimla-> A ‘Warm’ welcome :-)


The Journey from Kalka to Shimla was in a narrow gauge train(called the toy train). The train was really luxurious and had amazingly comfortable seating arrangements far beyond what one can generally expect from Indian Railways. Three cheers to Lallu !!!

The journey involved crossing 103 tunnels and 70 odd bridges--> a feast for neone like me fascinated by trains negotiating great heights. (These r correct figures, not random numbers used with the intention of making this seem funny). Though v all found it hard to resist getting to the entrance to see the breathtaking scenery outside and enjoy the sharp icy winds that were blowing; the food served and the previous night’s voyage made us all very sleepy. Still v managed two three snaps outside the train much against the wishes of the coach attendant. Then started HAIL.
For sumone like me from Chennai, where rain itself is a big deal, HAIL is too much to even comprehend and enjoy. My mind was like a monkey, rather like a mouse pointer opening various windows of thoughts like ‘Is all this really true?’, ‘How does hail occur?’, ‘What ll it b like if it hails in Chennai’, ‘How ll it b if the train derails here’ etc etc…

V managed a few snaps again and slept off inanely forgetting that this journey of 5 hrs was not a normal journey and every bit of this had to b properly enjoyed.

15 mins b4 Shimla, there comes a station called Summer Hill. There suddenly we were woken up by deafening squeals of co passengers and what followed was more like a dream. The train was in this station and all that v could see outside was something I had not seen before. SNOW:-)
If only I had the skills of Samuel Taylor Coleridge I would ve written sumthing like … ‘Snow Snow everywhere, not a……………’ in this blog.


Believe me stepping into snow for the first time in ur life is something u ll not forget. Standing at the entrance I took a moment to actually let what I was seeing sink in. In front of me were railway tracks fully covered with sparkling white silvery shining snow. It was a sight that I captured only for a moment before I myself got down and started playing but that moment is frozen in my memory. Excitement hitting levels that I ve seldom been in, enthusiasm hitting levels that makes it hard to stay sane, energy hitting levels that seemed to ve been obtained from annihilating and not digesting food, squeals hitting decibel levels that can turn people nearby deaf, what I saw in front of me seemed to b a whole new universe, a whole new dimension, a whole new realm…… the realm of SNOW….
In a moment I came back to my senses and heard my friends shouting at me for staying at the entrance like a buffalo not wanting to wash itself in water(err… Yak ll suit the situation better :-) ) and I immediately jumped out. V played for full 5 mins with snow like crazy little kids forgetting everything about ourselves. The child in each one of us dominated us. Being a bit of a nerd that I m, after picking up snow I was tryin to examine how it was so granular and coarse and thumppppppppppp !!! in between I was hit by a snow ball. V hurriedly took a lot of snaps here and there and I ll call what I experienced unadulterated pleasure. The train left and snow was adding beauty to the scene outside. Every peak I saw had a white crown, every tree I saw had white leaves, every flower I saw had white petals. It is needless to say how cold it was for us, that too half of our protective clothing at that time was not purchased cos v dint expect snow in Shimla. Still none of us were affected by these powerful debilitating chill winds. As a proof to murphy’s law my camera lost charge exactly at this moment when there were so many moments to freeze and I wasted a lot of time as if I was Ravi K Chandran on deciding what snap to take first though I knew I would start clicking like crazy trying to preserve everything I saw. Those 900 seconds, those lightning fast moments where time simply seemed to deny us the opportunity of enjoying what I would alone ve relished for 9000 seconds literally vapourised every bit of pain v had gone thro’ the prev night.
NOT JUST MEANING, EVEN PLEASURE REVEALS ITSELF ONLY IN FLASHES. :-D


And for a change v ABBians felt v got LUCKY :-)

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Chill Killlll(s)- Snow is best when served coldddd.


I m not very sure how I m going to retain any reader for the entire length of this blog cos I ve no clue how narrating a fun trip can b made enthralling and riveting that too when writing about what I saw and experienced easily requires a level of proficiency in the usage of adjectives that I don possess.

I guess sectioning the blog should help readers land at the right ‘next’ place inside this blog if they find the present section they r in boring. :-)

Throughout this blog I ll b repeatedly using ‘v’ or ‘we’. So, I think I ll take an extra line to explain ‘we’.
We->Srinath(myself),Raju,Chaitanya,Thiru and Rams(given as in the snap below frm left to right). ( All proud EMPTYs (MTs) of BBY. (read the very first blog entry for details abt these acronyms) )






b4 proceeding further u need to know this:
For reaching Shimla from New Delhi, one needs to go via Kalka, a place 15 km from Chandigarh.



1. New Delhi to Kalka--> Pain generally precedes pleasure.

Before I actually get on to the Shimla story, a small goof up is worth mentioning. Being a big time fan of the E ticket bookings introduced in almost all modes of travel across India, using internet stood out as the easiest option for lazy people like us to plan our itinerary. Googling a bit helped us come across a site where v could book all our bus tickets online. Booking tickets in that site (http://himachalhotels.in) involved numerous security measures and v had to go thro’ the painful routine of entering date of birth, name, place, animal thing… etc… for each ticket. V were convinced that it was going to b a hi tech bus that ll ensure a luxurious and safe ride cos I think the website also asked for credit card details, educational qualifications, Social Security Number, Ration card expiry date, PAN card number,10 std board exam roll number, 11 std marksheet No., provisional degree certificate etc.
BUT
When v reached the bus stand what was waiting for us was more than a HARD punch right on the septum of our noses. The bus that v had to travel in was not worth being called a bus at all. Oh ya.. it had 5-6 wheels and a roof and many seat like structures which were fitted with no intentions of providing comfort but still v refuse to admit that it was a bus. The bus conductor had no clue of what an e ticket meant. He stared at the print out (e ticket)v showed him for QUITE sumtime and let us in hesitantly. I still doubt if he even knew English and if he actually understood wat v so enthusiastically showed him. The miasma inside our bus was most likely a mixture of gases that were released by long decaying vomit that generally is never cleaned in the off-season due to financial constraints of Himachal Tourism. Finally v also came to understand that whatever the driver did to the accelerator pedal the bus refused stubbornly to cross 60km/hr and believe me 60 is insanely slow on the Chandigarh-Delhi highway. All v could think of was …. “ is it for this that v did all this e commerce..” and v were laughing pathetically at how v got fooled. Doesn the snap below make that clearrr ;-) ?





To summarise: The Bus ride from Delhi to Kalka taught me never to get carried away by E ticket bookings. It also made me confident that I was above the average level in withstanding death due to asphyxiation and that I ll not die easily for want of oxygen.




2. Kalka bus Stand to Kalka Railway Station-> INTENSE Pain precedes pleasure


The reason y I m giving this under a separate title is cos this in itself was a very different adventure. The ‘bus’ was supposed to reach Kalka at 3 am and our train was at 5 30 am. It was raining cats and dogs throughout the journey( which became snow as v climbed the Shivalik ranges :-) :-) ) and the rain made it freeeeezzzing cold….
V were almost thrown out of the ‘bus’ at around 3 30 am with our luggage, in some place where two 10 feet roads met. That was considered the closest point to the railway station. Gathering our luggage v managed to find shelter in a place not very far away from what seemed and smelled like the main sewage line of Kalka. Then one of us went in search of a taxi. V could only manage a Taxi that DEMANDED Rs 200 for a distance of less than 1 km between the station and that so called shelter. The taxi was not very spacious either and I remember sharing my lap painfully with a dear friend.

IMAGINE: A heavy guy with wet pants(rain-wet) sittin on ur already wet lap.. !!


But the whole thing was fun and we were only laughing throughout, admiring wat all v ll b able to boast about when v finally return. Enjoyed every bit of this (mis)adventure.


(2 b cntd…..)

Monday, February 05, 2007


Traffic Signal- Stop, look but don proceed [to the theatre].


Storyline(damn hard to identify one):
A direct insight into how traffic signals actually are huge markets where large money transactions define and differentiate the lives of hundreds of destitutes across a city like Mumbai.
______________________________

When a movie seems realistic, its greatly appreciated. However, when it shows reality to an extent where u suddenly wonder whether u r in a theatre at all, it fails to create an impact on its audience cos they don get the feel of even havin watched a movie when it ends. Thats Traffic Signal......

Madhur Bhandarkar's marvellous attempt in making the film seem so natural must be applauded but did he go too far ? Exposing in a film how each one of us become a customer at different traffic signals and explaining the business philosophy behind this highly organised and structured market is defintely not an easy job. The movie literally teleports the life of slums to the screen so vivdly. The film gives an idea of how these slums look when seen thro' a businessman's eyes.
BUT
An attempt to express the innermost feelings of prostitues and their genuine affairs though a nice opportunity was wasted I feel. The two three short side stories about a supposedly cruel female using alimony from divorce to get rich, who later gets "free" enuf to ve sex with a guy from the streets and an old man who tries his best to ve pleasure in its cheapest form by paying alms for rubbing his hands over a poor woman coming to his car door seem totally irrelevant. The former was supposed to be humorous and the latter emotional. I feel both were ridiculously unnecessary.
The movie is also a perfect example of how its tough to define a climax for a film stuffed ONLY with day to day happenings. Never would u ve seen a climax so pathetically handled. When u finally sit straight, exercise ur back, rub ur eyes and get all anxious to know what might happen next, the movie actually ends !!!

It sumtimes might make u wonder as to how many such movies u saw as u jus drove to the theatre.

Being a MT in a reputed firm (read my first blog) I was so much able to identify myself with the hero who looks as good(or bad) as I (or u) do, who reports to a senior manager(chota dadha) who inturn reports to a CEO(underworld don) who runs a business with a mission statement suggesting atleast 18 crore has to be collected from all traffic signals across the city. Man !! evn DDY doesn earn that much in an year :-(


When you walk out of the theatre u might feel as if all along u were just driving and stoppin at different traffic signals.......

BottomLine: A must see for MBA aspirants and entreprenuers ;-) !!