A vent that shuldn b read...
There are certain days when I feel nothing can possibly go my way just because I m not on the right route. I don understand this cos there are certain days when I feel like I have taken the best ever decision in managing myself, my life and those irritating crossroads ! !
Hold on.. this is lament.. lament of a kind that u have not heard.... a lament which is neither going to be funny nor going to be depressing. This is not even a blog. This is not worth being written. This is something that should not be read.... I m not even going to tell anyone that I have written this crap... SO plz skip this blog and read something else if u have stumbled across this accidentally.
Life as I see it, is divided into exactly two paths for me. The path which I take invariably seems to be unbelievably wrong. This is so because the other path always has something that attracts me. Whats more ? There is this kind of invisible force or whatever that is trying to get me into what I exactly dont want. !!!! I don understand this either. What does it take to actually do simple stuff that one commits ? Y is there a invisible force that immediately starts working against what I decide I ll do... ? Lifeee.. the best emotion that this word brings to me now a days is uncontrolled laughter. After all the more serious I m, the more wrong everything around me seems to be. Call it escapism, cowardness, insanity, pessimism, immaturity - it doesn make a difference. After all, the moment I decide one path is mine, I start realizing that actually its the other path thats mine......and the fear that this same feeling would have been there even if I had taken the other path makes me feel like seeing the word dumb written all over me...
What does it take to actually do what one wants to do ? Effort ? Tremendous effort ? 1 Zillion kiloJoules of mental energy ? --- all this I have. I actually belong to a different domain in exhibiting all this. Jus that still there are things that seem always out of reach. I remember Federer commenting about his loss to Nadal - " If I had won this, I would not have had many more goals to chase..." . Thats the statement I keep telling myself. Thats the only respite. If problems are going to be the motors that turn my wheels, I m going to feed them with aviation fuel. Let them burn... Let them burn me... But I m not going to stop. Knowing that one is stupid, contradicts ones stupidity I read somewhere. But knowing that U r not stupid, because u know u r stupid, is again stupidity. How does all this matter to me when I m just an idiot :-) ?
I choose to end my high quality lament by venting out my comments on the pursuit for happiness. What is all this about ? - Happiness aint it ? IF its a losers attitude to accept happiness in what one is, then what is the winners attitude ? Accepting sadness in even wat seems happy so that complacency is always kept a light year away ?
If someone can tell me the difference between a winner's sadness and a loser's happiness... I ll try to classify my emotions into one of these categories..
Blogs rockkkkk.... I feel as light as light now...
